I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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