I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i now understand why vodka
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
