People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
