In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
