I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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