I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
