There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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