If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
