This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
