if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think your dad took our porno
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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