My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
