I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
