i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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