Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
id be glad to
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
