I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize