jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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