He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
