woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
