I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
