You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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