it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
