you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
