u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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