if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize