she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
