In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
