I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i came on her dog
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
