I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
