can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
