Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
