I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
