Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize