Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
MIDGETS
????
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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