I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
