note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
