I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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