it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
