I wish my penis had an off switch
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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