whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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