you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
