Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
