We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
