I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
