He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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