Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
