Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
