Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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