Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
