i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
did i just pee glitter
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
