How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
