I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
