Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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