I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
