That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
