I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize