Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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