I love black thongs
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
