I can feel you judging me through the phone.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
