I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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