He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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