my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do herpes really smell.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
