Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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