Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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