I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize