U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
