Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this will be a night to untag.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
