I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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