Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
