At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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