He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
